I always wondered, ‘Does taking the stairs really add years to my life? Or is that some fairy tale made up from some guy that has beef with the elevator company?’
Of course, I was too scared to take the elevator, knowing that I’m essentially intentionally shortening my life — so I took the stairs to MACC-208 for the ASCC meeting on Aug. 26.
Great. Another absent-minded reporter covering the meeting for The Breeze. I’m not even sure I remember what color my shoes were that day.
Anyway, the meeting opened in probably the most dramatic way it could have opened. “If you don’t have the agenda,” ASCC student body president Kevin Coduto said, “just get it.”
Cool story bro. Glad there’s no confusion there.
I suppose I could and should mention the guests that presented.
Neil Watkins, English professor, and Daniel Keener, other English professor, made an announcement regarding, umm..
Okay, I’m asleep. What was that?
It’s not that they were bad presenters. It’s more that I hadn’t eaten yet and my mind was thinking about tacos.
Luckily, being the diligent journalist that I am, I obtained a copy of the meeting minutes afterward and clarified some details.
Professors Watkins and Keener talked to the members about collaborating with the Veterans’ Club for Veteran’s Day, and would like to collaborate with other members from the ASCC.
I regained my composure, took out my notepad, and got ready to take some serious notes. I’ve been practicing writing without looking. You should try it sometime, it’s totally a trip.
“And now we will begin closed session.”
I think that means, something, something, something — we all get a chance to stand around in the hallway for the next hour.
Well that’s great. I’ll have plenty to write about now.
The meeting began a closed session in order to interview potential new officers.
My stomach rumbled. Gosh, I want some tacos right now.
“You know what would be cool guys? If we had some tacos right now.”
Dang it. Focus!
John Tomines, Carlotta Bohon, and Mia Henderson were interviewed for open ASCC officer positions.
John had just finished his interview for President Pro-Tempore consideration.
As far as I understand, the President Pro-Temp’s duty is to take money out of the ASCC budget in case the president and the vice president both get kidnapped at the same time in order to pay the ransom. Also, he does some other important stuff having to do with the executive board and running the show in absence of the above-listed higher-ups.
Bohon was subsequently interviewed for vice president.
The vice president’s duty is to preside over the senate. “When senators have a problem,” Bohon said later (blatant foreshadowing), “they come to me.”
I thought now would be an opportune time to ask Henderson why she wanted to be a senator.
“I want to be a senator because I want to help the students. When I was a new student, I didn’t know what was available,” she said. “I love helping. That’s how I grew up.”
Good answer. I don’t even need to include a soundbite about what senators do in this follow-up paragraph.
Eventually, the meeting was called back to order for all the normies — that’s what I call all the people that don’t sit at the big table with the fancy name plates.
Yada yada this. Yada yada that. “Can I get a motion for this? Do I hear a second?”
I’m asleep again.
My favorite tacos lately come out of the local Chipotle on Foothill Boulevard off of Aspen Street. Three tacos, flour tortillas, black beans, brown rice, and a mix of steak, chicken, and barbacoa, topped with hot salsa, lettuce, and cheese (and guacamole if I feel like spoiling myself). If I’m feeling particularly sinful, I’ll get a bag of chips to go with it.
What more is there to ask for? Except horchata.
If you read the headline, you already know how the story ends. Tomines, Bohon, and Henderson were all elected to the open positions.
The new officers were sworn in. I tried to write down the oath word for word, but ended up failing to do so, in addition to failing to take a proper action photograph of them being sworn in.
The meeting ended, which was good because I had some important information to go over with the officers — namely their preferred taco selection.
“Fish tacos from Baja Fresh,” Bohon said. “Dollar fish tacos on Wednesday. It’s delicious.” Good stuff.
I asked Antoinette Duke, commissioner of Inter Club Council if she liked tacos.
“Not really,” she said. “I don’t have a taste for them.”
“I don’t have a taste for hamburgers either,” she continued. “I eat a lot of pasta and breads, plain foods and tea, a lot of junk food, but I’m trying to be healthier.”
Boo-urns. Is anybody old enough to have watched that Simpsons episode?
Look it up. It will change your life.
Coduto very much likes tacos, especially on Tuesday. Barbacoa is his poison but it depends on his mood.
Corey Stevens, senator, gave perhaps the best answer I’ve ever heard. When asked what types of tacos he liked, he said, “Edible.”
With the knowledge that many of our power-wielding ASCC counterparts share a taco-bond, I am fully at ease. Rest assured, student body; you are in capable hands.